Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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