Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
