id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
