We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
