Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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