I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
