So drunk its hurt
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
