I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
