my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Randomize
