Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
