I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
