I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
