Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
