I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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