Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
