hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
