hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Pants are for mortals
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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