Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize