I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pants are for mortals
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
