Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
