I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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