Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You were trust falling into bushes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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