Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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