I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
