...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
