His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
