I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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