if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
