I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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