Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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