if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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