Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
