I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
