better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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