i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
