K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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