I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
