Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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