The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
