i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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