My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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