C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
