After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
