Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
