My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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