He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
