I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
