She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize