***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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