We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
