Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
