I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
