its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize