There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
