Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sorry about my life...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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