Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
