Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
