SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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