If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
