Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
