I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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