since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
