Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
