Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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