I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
