I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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