just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
