I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
