Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
