saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
