Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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