Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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