I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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