I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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