Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
