He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
