he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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