If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
