i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
