how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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