I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Randomize
