Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
