I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
