He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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