I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
