Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
