Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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